Olympic Ice

OK, I'll admit it. I still dream of being an ice princess, and I'm a wee bit addicted to the Olympic Women's figure skating competitions. I absolutely love watching the women in their beautiful ice outfits, gliding gracefully across the ice, jumping triple-toe-loops and -lutzes, and landing back on the ice as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

I locked myself in my bedroom for a little alone time last night and was held captive by the figure skating short program competition. One thing I always enjoy is hearing the more-in-depth stories of the Olympic athletes. Their stories are incredible to me. I have never been the athletic type, but I can certainly relate to stories of triumph, perseverance, pursuing your dreams, growing up - many of the ideas that are talked about when the Olympics come around. And Sasha Cohen's story is no exception. Before she skated, they told a story of a girl who had fallen in pursuit of gold many times, a girl who was a prodigal figure skater of sorts - chasing down several coaches in pursuit of the magic she desired to bring to her skating, and of a girl who grew up and finally found her way back home to the coach who knows her best.

She was the last woman to skate in the short program last night. And, as she skated, I cheered her on (I know - I'm nuts. It's like my football. I scream, cheer, get excited, the whole bit) and held my breath. Every jump she nailed, a little bit more relief and a bigger smile. She was beaming by the time she finished her program and for good reason - she ended up in first place out of 29 and after a long pursuit - all her hard work, growing up, and perseverance paid off. It was a beautifully sweet moment.

It kinda makes me laugh to think how the Olympic stories move me. They have never moved me to think that I could truly accomplish anything athletic (I guess I'm just not geared that way). But, they do move me to think that I can certainly accomplish anything I set my mind to and that God at work in me can accomplish even more - not in a self-serving way, but in a way that is completely about Him, is incredibly humble, and always hopes.

update on my mom

I talked with my mom this morning and she gave me the great news that her tests had come back saying the abnormality they originally found and ran the extra tests for was benign. Praise the Lord! And because of what she has gone through, it has compelled my aunt to go forward with some recommended tests that she should have done over a year ago for some of the same issues. We will wait, hope, and see how hers come out. Thanks to those of you who have been praying for and thinking of my mom. This is an incredible blessing!

How I feel today.

How I wish I felt today.

on another note

Please pray for my mom. I won't go into too many details here (because for one, I don't have them), but what I do know is that for Valentine's Day my mom had some extra, uncomfortable tests done to investigate an abnormality in her breast. I am praying that the tests come back saying nothing is seriously wrong, but I know that she is concerned and even though she told me, she didn't want to talk about it too much. Pray that God would comfort her heart and help her not to worry. I know that no matter what happens, God is good and we will praise Him either way.

Happy un-Valentine's Day!

Happy, Happy un-Valentine's Day to you! I hope you all had a wonderful day yesterday on the annual "day of luhve!"

Not only did I have the joy of celebrating with my husband at a wonderful concert, I got to carry on a tradition which is probably not that uncommon among families. My mom used to always set out little treats for my brother and I on Valentine's Day and I always felt so very special. It didn't matter to me if anyone else did anything for me, but my mom always made sure we knew how much she loved us. (Thanks, Mom! I love you to the moon and back!) One year, I remember my dad sent me yellow roses at school and that threw me over the edge of happiness. :-) My husband, on the other hand, was not brought up in the same traditions as I was, so this is all a little new for him still. He definitely has issues with how commercialized Valentine's Day is and rebels nearly every year, much to my disappointment. I'm truly a sucker (maybe a slave) for all those beautiful red roses and cards - the very gifts which seem to elude me every year. Waah! OK, I'm off my pathetic, whiny box now......... So, anyways, I got to do a few things for my new roomates to carry on my mom's tradition of love and I really enjoyed it. (If you've ever read The Five Love Languages, you must know that my "love language" is that of receiving gifts. It's how I enjoy showing my love and how I enjoy receiving love.) We didn't go over-the-top, just a little something to say how happy my husband and I are to have my stepdaughter and her son with us. It was fun! :-)

Also, I just enjoyed reflecting on the love of God and what His word has to say about love, so I'll leave you with a few of His words on the subject -

And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
~ Ephesians 3:17-19

By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.
~ John 13:35

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?... No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
~ Romans 8:35, 37-39

Love does no harm to its neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.
~ Romans 13:10

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
~ I Corinthians 13:13

Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.
~ Ephesians 5:1-2

And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds.
~ Hebrews 10:24

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.
~ 1 Peter 4:8

We know that we have passed from death to life, because we love our brothers. Anyone who does not love remains in death.
~ 1 John 3:14

Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.
~ 1 John 4:7

Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for he who loves his fellowman has fulfilled the law.
~ Romans 13:8

singing a brave lifesong

For Valentine's Day, my husband and I got to have a date night last night and went to see Casting Crowns, Nicole Nordeman, and Josh Bates in concert at the Mabee Center. Very wonderful concert. Even my husband enjoyed it. :-) I, of course, was excited to hear Nicole Nordeman sing my life's seeming theme song - Brave. I know she wrote the song out of the experience of having her first child, but when I first heard it, I could only hear my own heart crying out to the Lord of my desire to live a brave life - to be unafraid of taking risks, to love courageously, to be vulnerable, to speak unashamedly of my Savior to others, to face failure, embrace my weaknesses and God's incredible strength and power at work in me and through me to others, to dare to hope, believe, and have faith for the "impossible" in my life and others', to embrace God's dreams for the community around me, to fully embrace God's love for me and others, to not be afraid to let God shine His light into the deepest parts of my heart, to fully know and accept God and to allow Him to fully know and accept me - the list could go on and on. There are so many things that run through my mind when I hear this song and the idea of "being brave" resonates so clearly in my life right now. I enjoyed hearing Nicole play the piano and sing the songs that God has written on her heart and being able to share these moments with my husband.

Casting Crowns really sets up their concerts more like a worship service by having the lyrics on a big screen onstage so everyone can sing along and my husband really enjoyed that. I also love the sound of hundreds of people singing one song altogether because it always compels me to think of what heaven will be like (maybe that's the real reason I'm such a concert junkie). Everyone singing the same song to the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. What a beautiful sound that is going to be someday. Can you hear it?

Casting Crowns' song Lifesong really gets to me, too. I felt very convicted by something Mark Hall, the lead singer of Casting Crowns, said last night. He said something to the effect of - when I'm having a beautiful day, am I worshipping a nice day or the One who created the nice day? I know it's a simple thought, but one that really grabbed me because it suddenly seemed very clear to me how often I truly worship the good days instead of God. Particularly now - when the good days are sometimes hard for me to find even when they're right in front of my face - I may thank God in my heart for the beautiful days, but I realized last night that I'm really more thankful just for a break from the fighting of depression and despair on those good days. I don't dare to have all the answers, but one thing I do is desire to have a life that worships and sings to the Lord - not just a few days, a few moments, a few good years or events - but an entire life. I have to get over the fact that my life here on earth is not going to be perfect and that I will never live every moment perfectly - because as another incredible woman I know has said and thought similarly before - if I lived perfectly, why would I or the world need Jesus? I am continually brought to my knees and back to the realization that this life and this process of becoming perfect is not something I can do on my own - "it's too big for me, it's something only God can do, and I have to trust Him to do it, I could never do it for myself no matter how hard and long I worked and that trusting Him to do it is what gets me set right with God by God."

So, today and everyday my prayer is that God will continue to grow within me the courage and bravery to let my lifesong sing to Him.

one lunch break every week

Along with my stepdaughter and her son, I have had another girl in my life that has come to mean a lot to me. I've connected with her through a local program called Going to the Arts for Tulsa Kids. It's a mentoring program in the public schools for at-risk youth. The program involves a mentor who meets with their student once a week during school hours and local artists who come in once a week to teach different artistic aspects such as music, visual arts, dance, etc. I've been a part of the program for over a year now, and have had the blessing and opportunity of developing a relationship with the girl I mentor outside of school. She will be 15 this year, and she is just an incredible young woman! We have volunteered our time together through Animal Aid, we have seen and discussed a couple of movies (including the Chronicles of Narnia and March of the Penguins) together, we have completed a few of our own ingenious artsy projects, and have just shared lots of girl and talk time over the past year and a half.

This past weekend, we got together and finished this project we’d been working on since around Thanksgiving. It was a collage of things that we are thankful for that included clippings of pictures, words, stickers - whatever we could get our hot little hands on. It started as one little piece of poster board. Then, we decided to add another piece of poster board because we kept finding things to add to it. It is a crazy picture. There is a picture of her and I on there, pictures of her beloved dogs, some little kitty stickers, lots of words, quotes, flowers, a flying pig, a donkey, a bookcase full of books, kids drinking bottled water, and a small, covered up picture of a turkey that we laughed about uncontrollably, till our sides hurt, because it looked like a terd. :-)

We have become like good friends. For Christmas, I dared to buy a frame that said “Friends” on it and put a picture in it of her and I from the night we went to see Chronicles of Narnia. When I dropped her off at home on Saturday, I told her I would have our completed collage picture framed as soon as possible. She looked at me, smiled, and just said, “Janine, we both know it’ll take another five months for you to get the picture framed!” I couldn’t help but laugh with her. She has seen my procrastinating and sometimes very forgetful side. I’ve apologized many times for my failings and shortcomings to her and she sometimes laughs at me, as if to say, “Why are you being so serious? It’s OK, Janine!”

She is another part of my week that I look forward to. No matter what is going on, I never forget to take that lunch break moment out of my week to go visit with her. She starts up a conversation without any problem and I have had to learn to listen more than talk. She has surprised me with her initiative and even a little bit of new, genuine hunger for learning – after seeing the Chronicles of Narnia, her brother went out and bought her the single-volume book collection and she has read a couple of the stories on her own already! She is incredibly sweet and wise, longing for the day when she can spread her own wings and really fly.

I am so honored to be a part of her life and I hope someday she realizes that she has taught me just as much, if not more, than anything I could ever possibly teach her.

my new roomates

Well, this first week with my new roomates has been an interesting, sometimes tiring, and blissfully joyful one. Who knew that there was anything better than simply coming home to my husband and my kitties? Well, a little boy who greets us with smiles and coos the minute my husband and I walk through the door in the evening and his mommy smiling to see another adult face for the first time since she woke up in the morning says there is and they are. It thrills my heart to no end just to go to work each morning, think all day about getting home to see them, and walking through that door each evening. They have captured my heart and my love and I just know that it is I who am the lucky one to have them in my life. I can't even begin to wrap my head around all that God is up to, but it has to be good.

My stepdaughter and I had our first girls only night out on Friday. We had dinner and saw Nanny McPhee, which was hilarious and a lot better than I expected! (Very magical and a beautiful story. I may even have to buy it when it comes out on DVD.) We also had some good time to just hang out and talk a little. I'm still feeling my way around our relationship, but she has been pretty open and honest with me and hasn't been offended by any of the questions I've asked her. She has some wisdom and attitudes that have caught me by surprise, but also still acts and thinks like a child about other things. And, with the slowness of her mind, some lines seem to have gotten even more blurred than other ones. It's very hard to explain yet.

I'm enjoying the journey of getting to know her and love her. She reminds me of my husband in so many ways, but is also very much her own person. Saturday night, she mentioned wanting to go to the store to buy some OU Sooner outfits she had seen, so I said, "OK, let's go." Now, if this were my husband, he would have said, "No, later. I don't want to get out right now." But, she was so excited and, I think, thankful to get out of the house again. And, we went to the store and shopped - all for her son! We left for one outfit and came home with a small beginners' drum set (which thrilled my husband), four complete outfits, and a few other alphabet toys we found for him. :-) We both agreed it's not something we should do everytime we go to the store and we definitely agreed when it was time to get out of the kiddos' sections and run for the cashier. :-) One thing I have missed over the past few years is having shopping days with my mom or a good girlfriend. It's definitely a blessing for me to have another woman in the house, and this is only one reason why. She is a blessing in so many ways that my heart can't seem to contain it all!

The little one is too cute for words! And, yes, I know - I'm a grandma! I've captured a few cute pics of him on my wonderful camera phone and even though he seems shy now, just you wait! He coos and mumbles in an unknown language, chases the kitties around the apartment, sometimes picks them up by their fur and skin and hands them to me, is a little on the clumsy side, can be very tidy and clean, has secret ambitions of working behind the counter at Taco Bueno (as we discovered last night), and loves his security sheet. Yes, you heard me right - sheet, not blanket. His smile just melts my heart and he is definitely going to be spoiled to the brink of rottenness. I love this precious boy. He's not too squishy, but he is definitely huggably, lovably, little boy goodness. :-)

What a week! Is it time to go home yet?

online article surfing

I found this incredible article online today and just had to share it. Read all the way to the end. It's pretty incredible! Certainly nothing is impossible with God!

Also, I came across this very interesting article about a case in Italy over proof of the existence of Jesus.

tomorrow

OK, ya'll! TOMORROW I will blog! I promise! I am just as anxious to tell you all how the first week with my stepdaughter and her son is going, er.... has gone........ as you all are to hear it. I cannot wait to introduce you all to them on Sunday (with the exception of heartsjoy, wah!) and I'm having my first official girls' night out tonight alone with my stepdaughter. Jerry and the boy will catch some sci-fi, male bonding time.

I will just say that getting used to having so many people around is going to be the biggest adjustment for me. I feel terrible if I want to do anything for myself in the evening - like read, blog, watch a particular show on TV, whatever. I feel a little guilty if I don't spend all my evening time with them. My stepdaughter and her son are home by themselves with the kitties all day, so I feel bad if I just want to have some alone time when I get home in the evening. It's not that I don't want to spend time with them or even want the whole evening to myself. I really want to get to know them both, but I think there are some moments where I just want to retreat and be by myself for a while. This has been probably the hardest thing for me so far. Any thoughts or advice?

OK, I better get to work now. This oughtta hold back the growing unrest and agitation over my lack of blogging for the time being.