last week and today

Well, last week was a little rough around the edges for me. It started with a nightmare I had Sunday night. For me, I always realize while I'm dreaming that what I'm experiencing is actually a dream, even if the dream is good. And, this was no exception. Even though it was a dream and I knew it, my nightmare was about the baby and took me to the worst fear any new mom could have - the death of her unborn child. I remember waking up that night and crying out to God like a child for comfort and peace. The mother-to-be - the one to provide comfort for her child - was reminded of her own need for her Father's comfort and embrace.

Then, I had a wonderful ultrasound and a sweet time with my dear friend last Tuesday. It was good to have someone there. However, the ultrasound brought both "good" and "bad" news. Good news - the fluid is back within normal limits and I've gained a few more pounds. More good news - the baby weighed about what he should and it appears all his organs are there and functioning properly. We even had quite a good time trying to see the baby's face and between his legs, but to no avail. He just wasn't in a photogenic mood, I guess. We got one precious picture of the side of his face where it looks like he's scratching his nose or if he's really mine, he probably had his thumb to his nose and his fingers in the air, like - "Ha, ha, you can't see me!" And, she ran a blood flow check in a conspicuous area where she agreed that it was a boy. So fun.

Now, the bad news - there is now a new concern with the baby which, to me, sounds worse than the fluid issue was. I don't think I can explain it very well, but I'll just give a brief summary of what the doctor told me. She measured the pumping of the heart and the blood flow between baby and the umbilical cord at the same time and apparently (there's a fancy four word name for this test, but I don't know what it is), the blood pressure as she called it, is off the charts high. She didn't give a reason why this would happen and assured me there was nothing I could do about it. (Wonderful.) She also said that I'm just beyond the point in my pregnancy where they would expect to see this kind of thing. If the condition persists, it could mean "limited activity" for me and/or early delivery of baby when it becomes viable to do so. I got the impression that it doesn't signify a condition that would persist outside the womb, so it still looks like baby himself is doing ok. And, I guess it can't be as terrible as my imagination wants to make it out to be, because I'm not scheduled to go back to the specialized doctor for another three weeks to have another ultrasound to check baby's growth. But, I would ask you to pray - for both mommy and baby.

I have to share that over the past week, while praying, seeking peace and comfort from my Father, and wanting to be close to Him, some words came to mind. Suddenly in the midst of my praying, all I could think was to ask God to sing over my baby. To sing over him like He's sung over my life. To sing over his entire being, all his growing, and all that He's designing this little boy to be. To sing peace over and to his worried momma and to remind her that even in the midst of this unknown, God is still with her and in control. The words of Zephaniah 3:17 came to mind -

"The LORD your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with his love, He will rejoice over you with singing."

Thank you, Holy Spirit for reminding me!

Thank you for praying and for those of you I've been able to share this with in person, thank you for your compassion, understanding, and reassurances. It won't be long before we'll be celebrating together and holding this new little one in our arms!