It's Friday!

It's Friday!!!! Do the happy dance!

keeping in touch

I just wanted to let you know that Laura Anne is journaling online while she and Jason are travelling and ministering. She's written a few entries online and if you aren't familiar with her music, check out her website. From her website, it has a link to her online journal, which is through aol. She's been an encouragement to me and blessed me with her music. I am glad we can keep up with her and support them while they are apart from us and on mission.

Check it out!

easily distracted or what?

I just realized, for probably the millionth time, how easily distracted I can be sometimes. I went into my purse looking for a specific pen, but noticed how much trash there was in my purse, so I started weeding and tossing it out, taking everything else out in the process. Then, I noticed my fancy lipstick case holder that is clothy and velvety (thanks to Arbonne! :-) and how linty it was, grabbed my tiny lint roller and rolled off the lint, put my lipstick case back in its fancy holder and back in my purse. Then, I started putting everything else back in my purse. Turned back to my computer, happy to have my purse cleaned out a little and paused. You know the pause I mean. The one where you are finally catching up with yourself and realizing that you just spent a few minutes doing something else OTHER than what you originally intended. I just had to laugh at myself and share it with all you wonderful blog readers! :-)

I'm sure I could make some spiritual connections here as well - being easily distracted and all - but I just don't want to right now. How's that for ya?

pretty cool cat

look into my beautiful eyes.... you are getting very sleepy.....

but, really..... how cool are those eyes?

blessings

I was on the phone just a few minutes ago with someone and was just suddenly overwhelmed by how God has been blessing me at my job over the past two weeks! As I described in an earlier post, I've been struggling a lot to even come to work (and have been for a while). But in the midst of my struggle, God is teaching me perseverance and is blessing me through it. So, I just want to share a few ways God has been blessing me in my job. This list is in no way exhaustive and I may add things in the days to come, but these few came to my mind this morning as I was on the phone with an insurance company, being blessed once again!

How God has been blessing me at my job –

1. By granting me favor with the insurance companies and, by total divine intervention, directing me to the right people to talk to that will help me to get claims paid or authorizations in place AFTER the fact
2. In verbal encouragement and praise from my boss
3. In written encouragement and praise from others
4. In showing me that I have the ability to get a lot done when I set my mind to it
5. In giving me the wisdom to request time off in advance so I can have time off to look forward to, which in turn strengthens my resolve to go to work and get things done
6. In just the simple joy of having a job to do and a weekend of rest to look forward to
7. By beginning to develop something within me that I can only describe as an incredible joy and contentment that is new to me; I'm just starting to begin looking forward to coming to work again

I am so grateful for all these incredible gifts! Thank you, Lord!


P.S. I am happy to say I stole this idea of list-making from an incredible SuperMom! :-)

the new family addition

I am happy to officially announce that my stepdaughter and her son will be here late in the evening on February 4th, and our blissfully married, wonderful, two-person household will become one of four, with ages ranging from 2 to 40. Wow...... Gotta love it.

I have only had a few moments of anxiety so far - realizing that my alone time with my husband will soon be even more limited than it is now, my "single life as a married woman" (as I fondly call the ability to visit with my friends pretty regularly, particularly Laura and Kara) will slow down quite a bit, and just imagining how my life in general is going to change.

But, honestly, I can't imagine very much "bad." Maybe that's not realistic, but I just think the good is going to majorly outweigh any bad. I've already been thinking of next Christmas and anticipating actually having a Christmas morning with my stepdaughter and stepgrandson, thinking about getting to spend time with my stepdaughter and getting to know her, inviting her on girls' night outs, getting to know my stepgrandson and enjoying being able to do things for the both of them. I can't wait for all the fun things we'll get to do together and just to have them as a bigger part of our lives.

In the meantime, please pray for my husband and I as we are preparing our hearts and home for their arrival. It will be here before we know it!

just because

Just so you all can have something new to read and look at when you come to my blog other than my sad kitty story.

I'm moving on from grief and despair to joy and hope in more ways than one. But, first I need to tell you where I'm coming from.

Last week was sort of a rough week for me. Sometimes I go through these days and weeks and don't talk to anybody about it except God and my husband. Sometimes I e-mail friends and ask them to pray. And, sometimes, in the past, I've stayed home from work in my pajamas all day, doing absolutely nothing and talking to nobody (except for my husband, of course). They are days when I get absolutely nothing done, don't feel like being around anyone, I feel very sad, and I don't really know why. Seriously. Well, last week, I felt this way everyday. Yet, because my husband and I are driving to work together, it's become more an issue of accountability. My husband is not going to leave the apartment without me or without at least asking me, "Are you going to work today?" And, even though I felt like not leaving the house Monday, Tuesday, or Wednesday, I did anyway. And, guess what? I went to work, got a lot done, I came to know more about the incredible power of God at work in me in spite of my weaknesses, and I feel like God gave me the strength to persevere in a way I hadn't experienced before.

A song played on the radio Friday when I went to pick up my husband from work. It's a new song by Avalon, and the chorus goes -

Love won't leave you empty-handed
Broken down and somewhere stranded
Love won't leave you hanging on for life
Cause love is, love is always true
God is Love and Love won't leave you

I know without a doubt that God is the only way I made it through last week. When I heard this song, it just reminded me of His love and how He not only didn't leave me alone last week, but provided in ways far beyond what I could imagine.

It's really even hard for me to share this next thought, knowing that a lot of my friends are Christians. I don't think you'll judge me in a bad way or think any less of me, but it's right at the edge of being more "real" than I want anyone to know. I'll just admit that I'm still struggling with this feeling that some, including my mother, have called the dreaded D-word that I'm pretending not to hear. I struggle with my own stigma that since I am a Christian, I should not be depressed - EVER. So, I live in denial or I live in silent pain, neither of which are very good. I've sought help before, but when things start to get better, I move on. This time, after a very loving, severe warning from my mother - whose honesty and frankness I love most in times like these - I am once again seeking help with the desire to completely move beyond this and find and experience real lasting joy in my life.

I would cherish your prayers for healing very much because this is something that has been a part of my life for a while. It comes and goes, sometimes sneaking up on me when I least expect it and other times, I welcome it like an old friend.

Thanks again for listening and for those of you who have endured the moments where I've been my mopy, unhappy self, thanks for still being my friends and loving me in spite of it.

goodbye to Crazy

Crazy, as we called her, came into my husband and I's lives about four years ago before we were married. She was such a beautiful bluish/gray and I loved her immediately. (I'm pretty much a sucker when it comes to kitties.) At the time, I was moving into a new apartment and already had one kitty of my own and a huge deposit to pay to keep her in my new apartment. Jerry decided to take Crazy in at his apartment so that I would not risk getting into trouble with my new landlords.

I don't even remember if we tried to name her anything else besides Crazy. She lived up to her name by literally climbing the walls, hiding in paper bags and the kitty tower we spoiled her with - observing the world from inside and sometimes attacking our other kitty, running to the door and meowing when we came home from work, chasing nothing in the middle of the night back and forth through a hallway or from room to room, and just being playful in general. In the past few years, she calmed down significantly and would actually come and sit in my or my husband's lap at night and just let us love on her. She was quite a lovable kitty and would just purr away the hours in our laps.

Within the first year we had her, we had to have her spayed. The doctor also ran some bloodwork while she was in the clinic and said she had tested positive for feline leukemia, a fatal feline disease, and recommended we have her put to sleep. We decided to keep her instead.

Then, a few days ago, Crazy got very sick. She stopped eating and apparently stopped drinking. She became very lethargic, losing her usual perkiness and we started to find her laying on either of her sides under the Christmas tree. Finally, on Monday, my husband became very concerned and we took her to the doctor. The doctors took very good care of her, nursed her back from dehydration and malnourishment from not eating.The doctor, Jerry, and I all thought the problem was an infection so they prescribed some antibiotics and food supplements. We picked her up on our way home from work last night and were very encouraged by her seeming rejuvenation and energy. However, when we brought her home last night, she was back to her lethargic spot under the Christmas tree within just a few short hours. This morning, Jerry gave her her first round of antibiotics, her head had perked up a bit, and we left for work.

We came home from work tonight and she was not under the tree where we thought she would be, nor was she near the food and water which we had left out for her. We found her forever asleep on the cool floor of my bathroom, where she liked to follow me and roll around playfully on the bathroom rug. Nothing really prepares you to see your pet the way we found her. I immediately knew she was gone and when Jerry confirmed it, I just could not hold back my tears. I was initally in shock and will never forget the image of her lying on the floor. She is the first pet I've really had to say goodbye to and I am so sad to say goodbye to her tonight.

I am extremely grateful for the doctors who I know did everything they knew to do and for their incredible compassion and sympathy. It makes all the difference to know that someone else cares. When we called the doctor tonight, he offered to not only take care of Crazy, but to find out exactly what had happened to her. There's a feeling of helplessness and guilt that wants to convince me I could have acted sooner, but I know the outcome would have still been the same. We found out that she died as a result of her feline leukemia finally manifesting its fatal symptoms.

I am thankful we were able to give her a home for the years that we had her and honored that God would have entrusted us to take care of her. I will miss her dearly with many fond memories, smiles, laughter, purrs, and tears.