quotes to ponder

"forget regret or life is yours to miss"

"give in to love or live in fear"

"i'm looking for baggage that goes with mine"

- from the musical-made-movie Rent

Harry Potter mania!

Last night I had the thrill of sharing in the Harry Potter excitement by attending the midnight showing of the new movie with a great friend and about 900 other crazy fans! I always enjoy going to that first midnight "preview" because you know that the people there are there because they are really BIG fans. They're always an animated and lively crowd - cheering, laughing together, dressing up, and just generally being fans. It was awesome, moving, and more than a little heartbreaking - the best movie yet according to my friend and I. But, man, am I tired! What drives me to do stuff like this? I'm just not that young anymore. 27 suddenly feels so old. So, today I'm living and at work by the grace of God, as well as with the help of a mocha frapp spiked with a shot of espresso and a countdown of the hours until I can get home and retreat to my warm, comfortable, and cozy bed. But, honestly, I wouldn't have missed it for anything.

I have to say that I've been very surprised by my own reaction to these books and the movies. I used to be one of those people who listened lazily to a preacher in a pulpit tell me that Harry Potter was evil and didn't even think to ever pick up one of the books for myself to see if what he said was remotely true. I think I thought that by even touching the books it would impart some evil to me that I didn't already have and that anyone who read them must be evil. In August, right around the time the most recent book was released in bookstores, God and a couple of friends saved me from the error of my ways and I picked up the first book just to see what all the hype could possibly be about. After finishing the first book, I proceeded to read the next four books in a matter of three weeks. I guess the whole "touching the books and becoming evil thing" went out the window pretty quick!

I admit I have become very attached to these fictional characters and I sometimes think that it could really NOT be a good thing for me. I live in the tension of wanting to enjoy the life God has given me and not idolizing the things He's given me to enjoy above Himself. I'm learning and fighting to keep this tension and embrace it rather than running from it. I know that God has spoken to me in many ways through these books as well as the Chronicles of Narnia - about Himself, about myself, about other people, the world, about struggling and perseverance, and about friendship, among many other things. I think the best gift God gave me in these books was the freedom to feel like a child again. Not that I necessarily stopped feeling like a child for any particular reason - it was just something that happened maybe over time. And, in reading both series' of books - Chronicles and Harry Potter, God reawakened a creativity and a passion that I thought I had given up on and cast away. And so in response, I want to know Him more and allow Him to use this creativity and passion for His purposes and dreams for the community he's placed me in as well as the world.

You're probably thinking - all that from a few books? Well, yeah.

So, today I want to thank God for Harry Potter and for reawakening the child in me. And, for my dear, great friend who persuaded me to give the books a chance and for joining me last night at midnight for a most unforgettable Harry Potter moment.

Journey rocks!

Friday evening I had the tremendous pleasure of listening, dancing, screaming, singing along with, and just generally partying out with Journey, my husband and about 3,000 other fans at the Brady Theatre here in Tulsa! Man, I have to admit that I am pretty biased when it comes to this band (and the fact that I haven't seen too many other rock bands in concert doesn't help either), but I think they certainly know how to rock the house. And, I still have the ringing in my ears and the loss of my voice to prove it!

What really struck me about the concert is that the band never stopped for the entire two or so hours they played - everytime you thought they might take a minute and just talk to you, they started another song and the crowd went crazy on nearly every single one. They sang all the familiar ones and a few of their great new ones. My favorite song is, of course, Don't Stop Believin' and I screamed when I heard Jonathan Cain playing the piano intro. Neal Schon's small guitar solo that is intended to sound like a train coming down the tracks in the first verse gets me every time I hear it.

I love glimpses of heaven and one thing that always makes me think of heaven is the sound of a crowd of people singing the same one song - it just blows my mind! There are many times in the book of Revelation where it says a crowd too numerous to count were singing together the same song to the Lamb. So, every time I hear a crowd of people singing together, it's just beautiful to me and I can't help but think of what heaven will be like, realizing that the size of the crowd is only a shadow of the number of people who will be in heaven. At the concert, there were so many songs you could just hear nearly the entire crowd singing along and it gave me chills. I think it must simply be the unitedness of the crowd all together singing the same words that moves me. I can't wait to see the size of the "crowd" in heaven giving glory in one voice to the Lamb.

Thanks, Journey, for another great evening that I will never forget and for the fans who together brought me a small glimpse into heaven.

drivin' in the country

I just want and have to say how happy I am that it is fall! The wonderful crisp mornings are beautiful and the afternoons are perfect driving-with-the-windows-down weather! And, for those of you who think you know me, it may surprise you to know that the fall and spring weather both inspire me to get back to my country roots! (Oh wait, I don't really have any!) While driving around lately, I've been switching my radio over to the country station, just getting the twang back in my singing voice, spouting off words that you'd never hear me utter except when I'm singing a country song. It makes me laugh to think of who, as a passenger in my truck, would be in utter shock to see me knowing all the words to some of these country songs! Maybe it will give somebody else a laugh or at least a smile as well.

considered faithful

Well, I have to admit to whoever will read this that this week has certainly been overwhelming. In the job I do at work, the first and last weeks of the month are extremely busy and can be pretty rough - it's quite often a challenge for me to be positive or faithful to the task. I wish I could explain what I do at my job to help you better understand my frustration, but I've been explaining it to my husband before I was even married to him and he still doesn't quite get it (mind you, we've only known each other 4 years). So, this is part of the "tension" that I often live in and where the testing of my faithfulness is on a nearly daily basis - the tension where I hold in one hand the desire to just "give up" so-to-speak, stay home and admit defeat - that no matter how hard I work the work will always be piled up and it will never change so why try? (the ironic thing about this option is that when this side of my tension wins, the work piles up even more, making the task seem more impossible once I get back to work) and in the other hand, I hold the desire to be faithful to where God has placed me, to be thankful that I have work to do, to approach my work positively, welcoming the challenges and rising to them, to sort of accept the fact that I may never actually get ahead and just get over it, and just to do the best that I can. In my mind and heart, I only grasp at the thought that this should be enough. I'm just not quite there yet. And, as I'm writing this, I'm beginning to realize that God doesn't expect me to think that all those things should be enough. He should be enough! My delight in Him should be so much that all other things I think could possibly satisfy or be enough for me would pale in comparison and therefore lose their power to disappoint or discourage me. Am I way out there or is there some truth to that?

This morning, God revealed Himself to me about this situation in some unexpected and not-so-unexpected ways. First, there is a little "commercial" on T.V. that comes on every morning right about 7:30 and often, I don't pay much attention to it because in my opinion, it always seems sort of cheesy. But, today, the "commercial" was talking about being optimistic - the first thing the guy said was - "Do you see the glass half-full or half-empty? Do you see opportunities or obstacles?" And, my first thought was, "I admit that I see my work as more of an obstacle - I could call it Mount Work With no End. But, why can't I be happy simply knowing that God is with me today and go about what He's given me to do with a sincere optimism and joy?" I left my apartment, resolved to do my best to be positive and reflect more on the fact that God is with me than the seeming impossibility of all my work. God is certainly bigger and more powerful in my life than my work! Then, when I got to work, I pulled out a little book that I have here and it talked to me about faithfulness. Ouch. A double whammy - kind of. I was hoping God hadn't noticed my occasional lack of desire to be faithful in my seemingly horrible job. No such luck. So, I see God saying to me today that he desires for me to be faithful, optimistic, even joyful, and above all else, to recognize that He is enough for me. And I admit that this is one of my biggest struggles right now.

A really great friend recently shared with me the idea of "practicing" in relation to this situation. Yes, I've heard the word before and I know what it means, how to use it in a sentence, and such. But, my friend used it in a context that I had never thought of before. Here are some of the thoughts that I wrote down on October 14 after having lunch with this person -

Practice comes from a desire to master a skill, an attitude, a particular compilation of chords or sounds, whatever you can think of to master. Now, “faking it” or “masquerading” on the other hand indicates a lack of desire to actually master a particular thing and only appear that you have – it is a lie. The biggest difference comes in the desire. With one, there is a distinct amount of desire and effort involved. With the other, there is little or no real desire except to deceive and manipulate. So therefore, the question that must be answered is - Can an attitude be practiced? Can happiness be genuinely practiced while asking in faith for Christ to develop His very own joy within you? My friend seems to think so. I must delve into this idea further.

So, I can see God pursuing me in the midst of my struggles. Thank goodness He hasn't given up on me - He still shows me grace every morning by giving me a new day to try again and learn to persevere, allowing my faith and dependence on Him to grow, and managing to shine a light on my life and the lives of those around me.