it's been a while, part 1

Well, I realize it’s been a long time since I wrote anything on here. I’ve been kinda struggling. I’m just tired of having not-so-fun things to write about because I realize everyone has stuff going on and what is my stuff compared to everyone else’s? And for those of you who don’t like to read long posts, well, you know who you’re dealing with. I’ve hardly ever written a short post in my life, so I’ll just get on with it already.

In the past few days, my life has changed dramatically. No, the baby hasn’t been born yet or anything (I wouldn’t dare not tell anyone at Rivendell about something that big!), but simple things like eating and drinking and bigger things like work versus staying home have added some stress (and a little joy!) to my life these past few days and I can’t keep it all to myself anymore.

Over the past four weeks, I have taken some tests that any mother-to-be takes – the glucose screening test and most often, the 3-hour glucose tolerance test/challenge. Well, I flunked them both – miserably. I was most upset when I found out I had flunked the tolerance test and knew that I was going to be dealing with gestational diabetes. However, I tend to want to stay positive and see it as a new opportunity to trust Him more, so I just resolved, “Alright, God, we’re going to do this. Whatever I have to do I just have to do it and the rest is in Your hands.”

So, this past Monday, I went to see the dietician, picked up my meter, and got educated on how I need to eat, what I need to eat, how often I need to eat, anything you could think of relating to eating – I learned it! I really enjoyed my visit and meeting with the dietician and felt relieved when I left. I called my doctor’s office to ask them to call in a prescription for my test strips and lancets and went to get me some lunch. Two hours after lunch, I took my second blood sugar testing and was discouraged to see that it was elevated – I was sure I had followed everything the dietician had told me, so I was kind of upset. A few hours later, I was telling myself, “It’s ok. It’s your first day. It’s going to take a few days for your blood sugar to even out. CHILL!” Then, my husband and I went to the pharmacy before dinner to pick up my prescriptions, which included my prenatal vitamins and all my diabetes stuff. The price of the strips about knocked me over and I got discouraged again – “This diabetes diet isn’t even going to work and we’re going to pay all this money for these strips just to find out my blood sugar won’t level out!” I actually broke down crying as quietly as I could in the Wal-Mart store and put some things back that I felt like, “You know what? I just don’t need this stuff.” And I felt like my life as I knew it was over (I can really make things seem bigger than they are, I know). My poor husband didn’t know what to do. I was just so discouraged that first day.

These are the moments I feel like I really forget to trust God and allow the circumstances around me to seem bigger than they are and more importantly, bigger than Him. What are test strips and lancets to Him? Does He sympathize with what I’m going through? Undoubtedly yes! Is He worried about how we’re going to pay for the testing supplies or that the diet might not work? Absolutely not. Please, Lord, increase my faith to NOT WORRY!

Since Monday, my blood sugar numbers have leveled out – Praise the Lord for that! – and my OB is very happy with them as well since she expected them to be a lot higher after looking at my tolerance test results, which were pretty ominous. Actually, my appointment yesterday with my OB was one of the most positive I’ve had so far. Even though my pregnancy has developed some complications, it’s a relief to hear that my OB feels they’re being managed well. I can’t thank God enough for my OB – she is so positive, down to earth, and will still tell me like it is that I just am very thankful for her! I joked with her that pretty much all I think about everyday now is drinking enough water, what I’m going to eat at meals/snacks, and checking my blood sugar. She told me, “Janine, you’re in the home stretch now - not much longer. Just hang in there and keep doing what you’re doing! You’re doing great!” Isn’t she great?!

And, I’m still holding at only five pounds gained. I don’t imagine I’ll gain anymore and may even lose some now that I’m eating every few hours and am very limited on my carbs. My OB doesn’t sound concerned about me losing weight as long as I’m not feeling hungry and getting enough to eat.

So, that’s just part one. The rest is actually harder to talk about, but I’ll get to it soon.